Oh Heart of Mine....

Dear God,

How could she have done this to me? How could she forget her promises? How could she throw away in a moment all the things we have built all these years? How could she break my heart? Was it my fault? Was it me Lord? Tell me where I have gone wrong. Show me my sins; flash them before me so I may know. For I do not understand how all these things can be happening right now. I do not understand how something so good can suddenly end up the way it is today. We were so happy, god. We were so in love we have not a care in the world. It was just her and me, the two of us, and it was enough, probably more than enough. She was your gift to me, and I to her. We complement each other, we share so many things in common, and it is to her that I opened up my heart. It is she, Lord whom I trusted with all my heart.

How then can she break it so? How can she betray our love? How can she suddenly say she doesn’t love me anymore? It seemed not so long ago when we would simply walk hand in hand along the road, when we would gaze at the evening sky and count the stars, content of what we had, certain that it would last forever like the millions of stars in the sky. I believed in forever. Now I don’t know anymore. I know nothing anymore. Can love be lost in an instant? Can true love really just fade away? I am so broken deep within me Lord I do not know if I can still piece together every shattered part of me.

Believe it or Not

My friends say that it will heal in time. They say I should busy myself with this and that, date with this girl and that girl. But I don’t know Lord. Are these the things that can make me believe in love once again? Are these the things that can relieve this pain I feel in my heart? I am not only hurting, Lord. I feel so angry that I couldn’t do anything to avenge myself for this kind of suffering I do not deserve. Do I not deserve true love Lord? Do I not deserve loyalty, sincerity and respect? She makes me feel so bad, Lord. She makes me feel so bad about myself. I built my whole world around her, and she took it all away. I built my self esteem upon her admiration, and she trampled upon it as though it were trash. How can she not feel guilty for what she has done? How can she suddenly be so happy now in the arms of another man? How can I ever build my world again? How can I ever be happy once more?

Please help me Lord; I really don’t know what to do. Only your words can comfort me. Only your embrace can soothe my pain. I have given everything I could my Lord, and there is nothing more I can give. I kneel before you now, crushed and broken, empty and afraid to be alone. Hide me under your wings; hold me in your loving arms. Say unto me again how much you love me. Say unto me that you have called me yours and you will never ever let me go. Though men may fail, you remain faithful, steadfast and immovable as a rock. Though they may judge me for all the faults they see in me, you see my heart and reveal to me the beautiful soul you see in me. Help me to let go of my pain, teach me to forgive those who do not even ask my forgiveness. This burden is something I shouldn’t carry in my heart. This trouble is not something I should trade away my peace for. I know that I have been done wrong; the things that have happened had been so unfair. Sometimes life’s like that. Many things in this life really seem so unfair. But let me not continue being unfair to myself. Let me not punish myself anymore for the things others have done.

I offer unto you my wounded heart, my broken heart. I know it is you my Lord who will uphold me in the end. Let me not lose hope. Let me not cast away everything that’s good and beautiful in this life. I know that there is so much more in store for me. I know how much love I can still give away because it is you who fills me with everything that I’ll ever need. You are the one who loves me truly, eternally, unconditionally. You are the one who has always been there for me and always will be there for me. You are my one true love. You are my forever. You are my strength and my peace and my joy. Surely in your presence Lord, I do not need anything more.

When I’m in pain and suffer..